The loss of a child is a shocking, traumatic, numbing, and head spinning event which is drastically life altering. Whether the loss is sudden or the result of an extended illness the finality tears at the core of the suffering parent's being. Surviving and ploughing through the immediate aftermath and then overcoming doubts of continuing one's own existence is challenging without the aid and compassion of family and friends.
But once the funeral is over and sympathy card acknowledgements are sent the support greatly diminishes because "we must get on with our lives." We go back to work, to school, and to an altered life that awaits but grief is its own mist of agonizing distortion that forever encompasses a parent's soul, heart, and being. Who better to provide guidance and testament for continuance into a bearable future than another grieving parent. Another shattered being with a gaping hole in a tattered heart that's found a trustworthy beacon through the mist. These likewise parents are The Compassionate Friends. These members of a group no one wishes to belong to are likely near you and they are standing to help those newly grieved as well as those still making their way against the currents of change.
My wife and I lost our young vibrant, beautiful son suddenly as the result of a drunk speed boat driver's reckless actions. The wrenching days starting with life support being turned off, the funeral, and the administrative and personal adjustments were all a time warp of frenzy and stillness ending with lonely nothingness. Nothing but the sense of crushing sorrow floating in a cocoon of "why's."
Why God, why him, why us, why now, why go on. Followed by How can I: celebrate any holiday, go back to vacation spots, go back to anything without suffering and grieving horribly.
The Compassionate Friends is an extensive nationwide organization with several local chapters near us in the Los Angeles area. Once we were on our feet and functioning we still needed help. Three years later we still do. Our parish church community is a faith based resource and was our first lifeline. Meetings are twice monthly and are open to all who have lost a loved one. But within this group the grievers are mostly those who lost a spouse after years of marriage, those who lost a parent and those losing a sibling.
Assurance though is useful, at times mandatory, often so reaching out to others is ever strengthening. For those losing a child finding a room full of grieving parents may prove overwhelming but certainly bring solace and hope. Hope more than anything else as they are living testimony to survival with grief. If you found this blog because you or a friend are troubled by the loss of a child please look for the nearest The Compassionate Friends near you.
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